they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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