i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
