Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize