i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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