I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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