the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Sacagawea was the original milf.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize