Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
