"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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