Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize