mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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