Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
