As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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