i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Can you bring me the toilet please
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
