On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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