mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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