I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
