I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
My ass is underappreciated
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
