I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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