He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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