I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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