maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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