So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
