I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
