as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
As shirtless as possible
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
