So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
