Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
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