why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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