You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Text me some of your sweat
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
