I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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