I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
