So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize