well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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