i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
she pinky promised me she was 18
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
