yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize