You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize