Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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