i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize