Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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