I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
