I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
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Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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