Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
