She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We don't watch enough power rangers
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize