I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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