That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
