make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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