hell yes lets make some ravioli
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
