So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
