9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
