how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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