does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize