i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
