Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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