Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
