If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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