dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Randomize