The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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