I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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