I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
