dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
