Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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