yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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