Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
