there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
