Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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