Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
false alarm. still invincible.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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