I could have mohawked her pubes.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
