My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
