can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
