What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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