I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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