So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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