I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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