you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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