Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
you win again, gameday.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
