3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
