oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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