I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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