Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
