Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
