He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize