Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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