I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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