i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
