My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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