I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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