I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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