I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
