You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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