why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize