I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I got her a Nickelback box set.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
