I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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