my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
