Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Use "feeling words"
Yay
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
