Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
