I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
