my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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