Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
that is very illegal...i love you.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
