My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize