How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
