I accidentally burped into my bong.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You were trust falling into bushes
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
